rereading that makes it sound like im making up a harry potter-esque upbringing for attention and its making me think what if im actually like delusional and crap and i have just like a completely different memory of my childhood like what if it was normal and i just have these memories of things that didnt happen for no reason. that would be fliped. would you rather have bad things happen to you but not remember or nothing happen to you but remember awful things
@.:A-MAN:. its just that listening to wealthier ppl talk abt their problems reminds me of how irreparably different our perspectives are. there was a dude i was following on tumblr bc he posted a lot about being sad and i was like hell yea im sad too we got so much in common its unreal. but then the other night he got drunk and started talking a lot abt his life and complained abt how he was unpopular in high school and only had his loving and supportive wealthy parents (( and it just made me think about how for the entirety of high school my parents locked me in a house with no heating or running water. i wasnt allowed to leave the house except to go to the gas station to buy things for them and i went to an online school. my parents would stick needles in my veins as punishment when they were angry at me because they knew how afraid of needles i was. every morning i would wake up fantasizing about starving to death until the pain and weakness of hunger forced me to crawl out of my sleeping bag (i didnt have a bed) and eat plain oatmeal because it was the only thing we had.
i dont mean to participate in the misery olympics and i know everyone leads different lives and that i SHOULDNT be angry just because we have different experiences but now i feel a kinda irrationally vicious jealousy when i think of him because i WISH i was lived his nightmare scenario
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Glad you're at least able to talk about it. Hope things get better.
i dont mean to participate in the misery olympics and i know everyone leads different lives and that i SHOULDNT be angry just because we have different experiences but now i feel a kinda irrationally vicious jealousy when i think of him because i WISH i was lived his nightmare scenario
I guess I used to be upper middle class living with my parents, but on my own income I think I'm just barely normal middle class now.