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30Yenwood 2 months ago
i like to think of myself as not depressed and suicidal anymore because I've made so much progress but i just realized that i fantasize about killing myself at least once a week. it's so common that it's just background noise to me now. just your normal every day fantasy about taking the gun and killing yourself in front of your entire family.

my dad was OBSESSED with the idea of being a gunowner. never understood it. and i fought against him buying it because i was afraid of the temptation to kill myself with it. the only reason I'm alive now is because i was afraid killing myself with a knife would be too painful and take too long and I almost did it anyway. but there's a gun in the house now and I refused to let him show me how to put it together and use it. it pisses him off every time and he insists i learn how to use a gun but I'm afraid one day I'll snap and won't be able to stop myself from using it on myself.

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7DracoAureus 1 month ago
@Dill pickle hey i know its not much coming from the dude who comes on here like biannually but my dad thinks the exact same and has said such about myself and my sister as well. it's incredibly draining to hear that from someone like a parent and i don't know what much else to say bc im kinda in the same boat rn, but you're not alone.

best advice i can give rn is to keep scheduling things that excite u, whether its playing a game with a friend or listening to an album that comes out next week.
30Yenwood 2 months ago
@execle my dad doesnt think mental health issues are real lol. i have never talked to him abt anything because he doesnt take it seriously when i do. one of my brothers and one of my sisters got hospitalized for suicidal ideation a few yrs back and he told me they were weak and he was glad i wasnt like them. looool
1execle 2 months ago
Are you able to tell your dad about any of it at all or is he the kind of knucklehead that will just get pissed and not understand and demand you get over yourself by using one?

My parents sometimes talk about getting a gun in case we have to defend ourselves, but when my friend was living with us they put up the swords that were accessible in the back of a few closets because they didn't know if that sort of thing could trigger her or not.

@umer936 this.
44SLEDGE
2 months ago
Tell him to put it in a gun safe.
59umer936
2 months ago
It does piss me off that when we talk about gun related deaths in the US, we don't talk about suicide.
30Yenwood 2 months ago
@.:A-MAN:. I'm allergic to avocado. everyoneknows this. people still keep putting avocado in the mayo. i live in hell
60.:A-MAN:.
2 months ago
Dang man, that's pretty rough. At least you recognize the problem and have taken some steps to prevent things from getting worse. Idk if it's possible right now, but you really should try and get some help for that.

Also sorry to hear about the mayo, I'd be pretty upset too lol
30Yenwood 2 months ago
btw the thing that prompted this was that i broke down sobbing because there was avocado in my mayo
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