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Dream Journal

I'm a dad??

Created on 07/20/17 by SuperCam
I had a dream last night that might qualify as a nightmare.

A lot of details about WHEN this takes place is confusing. But I was living with my parents still. It was a little over a year after I divorced April, but instead of me going crazy when that happened, I just got back on track with my life.

Out of the blue, April contacted me to see if we could work things out. I had little interest, but if she had changed, I was willing to give it a try. (never would, but I guess we have to get the plot going somehow lol)

So after less than a month of "dating" (we never saw each other in person. Everything was via text) she suddenly sends me this number: 8015924885. In the dream I googled it and it was a lawyers office.

Okay, I thought. I get the message lol

Went down stairs to find my mother upset. "There's something in the dining room for you."

I go in there age find the Danika taking care of a 6ish month old. My mom says from the other room that April just left him on the front porch without even knocking on the door.

Did whatever reason, she felt that the only person she could talk to in my family about this was Dax. And he is on a mission (in Virginia though...?) and she had called him saying that the kid was going to freeze to death unless he picked her up. Before he could ask where the kid was, she hung up and blocked him.

I mean couldn't you totally see her doing this crap? XD haha so glad that's over lol

Anyways, dax is like. What the heck, and conceived is zone leader to let him go home to take care of this. He found my kid on the porch.

Dax was like, that chick's crazy. I didn't have to fly all the way over here just to go to the front

Well I picked up the kid, a little distracted by my newly discovered offspring to realize that dax was back.

I didn't pick up the kid. I realized that I could not take care of the kid and I couldn't get attached. I decided that I was going to give him up for adoption. I told my mom this and she said that she would support me in any decision I made, but that I should take more time to think about it.

But my mind had been made. I could be "uncle Cameron" and be part of his life from a distance. He wouldn't know I was his biological father tell he was 16ish.

My mom made me hold him and I just walked around the house trying to figure out what I needed to do. This kid looked almost identical to how I did when I was young. He felt really big for a 6 month old, he was like 20 pounds.

After a couple hours I went into the dining room. Dax and Josh were setting on a couch. I handed my kid to dax and said "how does it feel to be an uncle?"

Before dax could say anything Josh said, "how does it feel to be a dad."

Then it hit me. I was a dad now. I suddenly felt like I was in a dream (first time I've ever had that feeling and it was true and I didn't find out tell after I woke up. Ironic no? Lol)

I realized that i loved the kid. I knew that it was going to be harder to give him up the longer i waited now. I had to go to an agency now. I didn't know if they were open on Sundays but I couldn't wait another day. I was not going to message this decision with my heart m this was going to be completly logical. I can not take care of a kid this time in my life. I will not make my family take care of him for me. And I can still be part of his life without being his legal father. I would never just abandon my child. My mind was totally made up.

I asked dad if he needed a ride to the airport. He kept saying no. I couldn't really understand what his argument was about in the dream so I can't say why he didn't want to go to the airport. I just know it had something to do with his mission and leaving early or something. Again I don't know.

Well i kept insesting because I wanted his help to drop the kid off. I made it clear to myself not to name him. Dax seemed to suddenly realize there was another reason I wanted him to go.

Then he agreed and we drove to the adoption agency. The dream ended when we were driving away from the house, we had just gone around the bend on 106 before 13th when I woke up.

One of the most stressful dreams I've had in my entire life, we've I've had some dussies lol

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